They start really young...
A friend's blog about her ex-husband last Thursday really made me think all weekend.
I didn't marry "him" but I dated "him" for 2 1/2 years. He made me believe I was fat and ugly and that the only reason I was much of anything in high school and my first year of college was because of how popular and wonderful he was.
That's why when I was a sophomore at GC I pretty much went out with any guy who asked and that left me with a whole in my heart, less than zero self-esteem and little self-respect.
I'm one of the lucky ones. I found love.
That brings me to today's topic. With this person I love, I have a daughter. She's two and at her daycare they are having a Valentine's Day party. Now I realize at 2 this is all very innocent, but at the same time, I have to ask myself - how much of this stuff does she internalize and what does it tell her about being a girl or a woman?
I vowed when she was born that I wouldn't let her play with dolls unless she asked for them. Of course, she did and she loves them (truth be told she probably has more natural mothering and nuturing abilities than me)...but we've also made sure she has cars and blocks and tractors to balance all that out.
I tell her everyday she's beautiful and smart and that she can do anything she wants. I NEVER tell her "good girl". If she's done something new, I say "good job" or "that's great how you put your pants on today". I don't want her to be a people pleaser. I want her to know the feeling of accomplishment and pride of doing something for herself - not for me or anyone else.
Will some idiot come along and take that all away from her?
I'm expecting number 2 in April and we don't know the sex. If it's a boy, I want to raise him to respect women, not to control them with words or actions.
This gender stuff starts so young and I hope I give both my children the gift of self-reliance and self-esteem and that it is so deeply rooted in them that they will find significant others who love them as much as their father and I do.
I didn't marry "him" but I dated "him" for 2 1/2 years. He made me believe I was fat and ugly and that the only reason I was much of anything in high school and my first year of college was because of how popular and wonderful he was.
That's why when I was a sophomore at GC I pretty much went out with any guy who asked and that left me with a whole in my heart, less than zero self-esteem and little self-respect.
I'm one of the lucky ones. I found love.
That brings me to today's topic. With this person I love, I have a daughter. She's two and at her daycare they are having a Valentine's Day party. Now I realize at 2 this is all very innocent, but at the same time, I have to ask myself - how much of this stuff does she internalize and what does it tell her about being a girl or a woman?
I vowed when she was born that I wouldn't let her play with dolls unless she asked for them. Of course, she did and she loves them (truth be told she probably has more natural mothering and nuturing abilities than me)...but we've also made sure she has cars and blocks and tractors to balance all that out.
I tell her everyday she's beautiful and smart and that she can do anything she wants. I NEVER tell her "good girl". If she's done something new, I say "good job" or "that's great how you put your pants on today". I don't want her to be a people pleaser. I want her to know the feeling of accomplishment and pride of doing something for herself - not for me or anyone else.
Will some idiot come along and take that all away from her?
I'm expecting number 2 in April and we don't know the sex. If it's a boy, I want to raise him to respect women, not to control them with words or actions.
This gender stuff starts so young and I hope I give both my children the gift of self-reliance and self-esteem and that it is so deeply rooted in them that they will find significant others who love them as much as their father and I do.
posted by JAB @ 11:36 AM
1 Comments:
At 6:19 AM,
SEDW said…
there have been many times that, as much as i would love a little legacy, i think having a boy might be less complicated to raise because of the very issues you've raised. E has a great example in you, remember that. She will emulate how strong and confident you are.
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