Baby Gavin

I have a girlfriend from college whose younger sister had a rare heart disorder which caused her to go on medication at age 17 which would prevent her from conceiving or carrying a child. They froze her eggs then and just this year implanted embryos into a surrogate, her cousin. I have been cheering them on from the sidelines.

Just Monday Gavin Elijah made his appearance.

http://salsersbabystory.blogspot.com/

How completely amazing. Amazing science and an amazing woman to give her body so that another woman could feel the joy of motherhood.

So many times women are women's worst enemies. We judge each other for the most insignificant reasons. Why can't we support each other - seriously ladies, we're all in this together.

It never ends....

on 3/10 L ended up back in the hospital with the respiratory stuff again. Sad to say I've gotten pretty good at identifying when he's getting into trouble. The peditrician taught me a good rule of thumb - 40/ 60/ 80. Time him for 15 seconds and count his breaths, multiply by 4. If it's around 40 we need to watch him, if it's around 60 we probably need to be headed to the hospital, if it's close to 80 we need to be calling the ambulance.

Then Easter - I was off for a few days and that was so nice to have a break. Of course I had a nervous breakdown stading in Kohl's trying to pick out new sheets. I have no idea why except to say that every now and then I get completely overwhelmed and I guess this time the sheet decision was the proverbial straw over the camel's back. E was completely amazed at the idea a very large bunny rabbit got into the house and left her gifts!

Then Monday - everything was going just great. I had been across campus to an administrator's meeting with all the department chairs and the dean and had just sat down at my desk to catch up on email. I decided there was too much to catch up on before lunch and I thought I'd go ahead and eat. So, I walked down the hall to the restroom and when I stood up to zip - I had mind-numbing, excruciating, horrible pain all over my lower abdomen. It was awful. I sat down in the bathroom floor. I felt hot and could hardly catch my breath. It was like a contraction that wouldn't ease up. I managed to stand up and walk slowly to my office. Thinking it would eventually stop I sat in my chair and tried to check email.

Didn't stop.

I asked one of the nursing faculty to come in & check me out. She narrowed it down to a couple of things and we decided we'd better head to the ER. She was kind enough to drive me and mom met there.

I honestly thought my insides had ripped out. They did a abdominal CT and turns out it was a ruptured ovarian cyst.

They likened it to pouring battery acid on raw tissue and I think that pretty well sums it up.

Anyway, I'm back on the mend and hoping for some springtime weather this weekend!

Decisions, decisions

So last week after my post about #3, I had a complete breakdown. I was laying in bed sobbing because I feel like I can't have another baby.

So, I decided that I would make a pact with Jon that we wouldn't make any "permanent" decisions until 2 years from now. That will make L almost three and E in school.

He agreed....easily. We both feel good about it, and if there's a "blessing" in the meantime then it was meant to be. But for now, it feels like a weight lifted off me. I never imagined feeling like that. It was an incredibly hard decision to have L and now I feel like an idiot for ever wondering if I should have him.

On another note, I am seriously accident prone. Yesterday afternoon my mom and dad, E & L and I loaded up and went to the mall for lunch and an outing. When we got back to the house I was shutting the trunk of the VUE and hit myself in the head with the darn thing. Well, it knocked me into complete loopieness. My dad got to me before I fell completely down and saw the huge goosegg forming on my head and had the amazing presence of mind to pick up a ball of snow and put it on my head. He started yelling for Jon who was in the house and he came out and got me to the couch. I spent the rest of the night with a bag of ice on my head and popping advil. It hurts to smile and frown today and I've had a heck of a headache but thanks to dad getting the snow on it so quickly the bruise isn't so bad and my hair covers it up.

I really am a walking disaster. At least it was me and not one of the kids.

I'm crazy

Okay, so the winter was difficult and I've been out of the blog-o-sphere for a while now, but I'm going to try to do better.

I want another baby. I don't know why. I can't explain it. I have two wonderful, beautiful, healthy children. Why would I want to "tempt fate" to have a third?

We can't afford it, I know that in my head, but haven't been able to explain it to my heart. My heart wants baby number 3. My heart wants to hear that first cry and hear those sweet baby noises. My heart wants to see E as a big sister again and wants L to know the protective feelings of being a big brother.

By my head tells me that we can't afford it. That I'm a busy woman and a third child would only add to that hectic pace. That I want to finish my dissertation. That a third child would take away from the time I give to E & L.

But I can't help it, my heart wants number 3.

I'm crazy.