In love

I fell in love over the weekend.

With E.

We left little man at my parents' and took E to meet Jon's whole family in Indy to go the zoo and children's museum. We stayed at the Holiday Inn at the Pyramids and they have an indoor waterpark (which is FANTASTIC).

I don't often blog about her accomplishments or whatnot, but this time I just can't help it. She's changed so much in the last year and I'm so proud of her. She let us put her little bitty life jacket on and we all three got in the pool. She was nervous at first and just splashed around a little. As the night wore on she tried more things, let go of Jon's neck and just held his fingers, even let me take her down the slide. She loved it and couldn't wait to get back in on Sunday morning.

So, Sunday morning we went again. She and I drifted in the lazy river cuddling and talking. Then she wanted to get back in the kiddie pool. Jon and I laid down in the water and she was splashing around. The next thing you know, she walked away from us, climbed up a little set of stairs and went down a little slide by herself!

Jon and I have always talked about allowing her to be independent and to learn things on her own so this was really a great moment for us - we were so proud of her doing that on her own - we didn't suggest it or coax her - she just decided she wanted to try it and she did.

Maybe we're doing something right after all.

This weekend was just exactly the break I needed right when I needed it. Spending time with her was truly a gift.

Note to self....

Don't become the little old lady in the hat and blue socks talking to herself in the Highlands Kroger.

I'm pissed

I'm pissed. Just generally pissed off about everything. Everything and anything.

I told Jon last night that I think it's always lurking just under the surface and I never know what might make me explode.

When I say explode, I really do mean explode. In the last two weeks I've done it three times, twice hurting my hand while hitting the steering wheel of the truck in anger.

I don't know why I feel this way and I don't want to be this way.

I want to be normal. I want to feel in control of what I'm doing and saying. Right now, I feel like I have no control over anything.

I'm in a pretty big pit and I'm not sure how to get out.