What does that really mean?
In a recent post, Nat talked about "letting go" and I pondered this on my way home last night. What does letting go really mean and does it mean different things to different people b/c of our own individual personality traits?
I have two major flaws: planning and control
This has caused hurt feelings on my part (for no reason whatsoever) by my poor unsuspecting hubby.
For example, last year my b-day fell on a Saturday and I had left it up to him to plan something. To me, planning something meant he would pick out a restaurant, have reservations or whatever, take me there and then have some plan for what we did after.
As it turned out we dropped E off and went home to get ready and he asked me where I wanted to eat.
I lost it.
Spent 45 minutes crying because he didn't know what restaurant we were going to. He meant no harm, he said he didn't know what I'd be in the mood for & wanted to wait to see.
So, maybe for me, letting go means that when I tell him to plan something, I should expect that nothing will be planned. This has been a topic of conversation in our marriage since day one. He is a great guy, wonderful father and I'm lucky to have found a person who fits me like a puzzle. But he doesn't plan - at all.
But that begs the question: should I also "let go" of my expectation that he should understand what him planning something special would mean to me?
Or is "letting go" really just going with the ebb & flow of life and I should let go of the planning obsession altogether?
And that begs the question: where will that ebb & flow take me and will I be satisfied if I didn't plan on getting "there" and control how I got "there"?
I have two major flaws: planning and control
This has caused hurt feelings on my part (for no reason whatsoever) by my poor unsuspecting hubby.
For example, last year my b-day fell on a Saturday and I had left it up to him to plan something. To me, planning something meant he would pick out a restaurant, have reservations or whatever, take me there and then have some plan for what we did after.
As it turned out we dropped E off and went home to get ready and he asked me where I wanted to eat.
I lost it.
Spent 45 minutes crying because he didn't know what restaurant we were going to. He meant no harm, he said he didn't know what I'd be in the mood for & wanted to wait to see.
So, maybe for me, letting go means that when I tell him to plan something, I should expect that nothing will be planned. This has been a topic of conversation in our marriage since day one. He is a great guy, wonderful father and I'm lucky to have found a person who fits me like a puzzle. But he doesn't plan - at all.
But that begs the question: should I also "let go" of my expectation that he should understand what him planning something special would mean to me?
Or is "letting go" really just going with the ebb & flow of life and I should let go of the planning obsession altogether?
And that begs the question: where will that ebb & flow take me and will I be satisfied if I didn't plan on getting "there" and control how I got "there"?
posted by JAB @ 8:41 AM
3 Comments:
At 8:07 PM,
NB-C said…
Interesting post....
Jason is terrible with my birthday. For the last two years I have found myself crying and being angry with him for not doing anything special for me. I don't think he meant anything bad by it, but I've learned that he's just not wired like me. He's not very romantic, or at least as romantic as I'd like him to be, but that's part of my problem...not his.
I have tried hard to "let go" of the high expectations I place on myself and others. It's been a learning process. One that I still struggle with.
I think that a lot of people would agree that I have mellowed out quite a bit in the past few years. I am still high strung, and will be the rest of my life. But, I try to allow myself to try and see things from a different point of view these days.
Jason will never act or be the way that I would want him to be, but he's a different person than I am. He reacts differently. I don't think he loves me any less.
I too am a control freak. But, I'm a work in progress. For me, "letting go" means allowing myself to find joy in the small things. Remembering the things I am thankful for and trying not to obsess over things I can't control. It's the feeling of peace that you have in JUST BEING. Not holding grudges. Not thinking of the "could have-beens."
Does that make sense?
At 7:15 AM,
JAB said…
You two are GOOD.
You're right...I should appreciate the fact is NOT like me, which is what makes us fit together so well in the first place!
Thanks!
At 12:39 PM,
Denae said…
It is a tough line. Is it really that much to expect your hubby to make dinner reservations for your birthday? How do we win? A post-it note on the counter, "honey, don't forget to make reservations for my birthday dinner..."?
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