What did I really have to complain about?

I got a voice mail yesterday from my good friend Becky who graduated from the accel nursing program with Beak. She was crying.

I knew something was very, very wrong so I called her back right away.

Her sister-in-law had abrupted (placenta pulled away from the uterus) and they had to deliver the baby at 27 weeks. They had to make that awful decision to take him off the vent yesterday afternoon. Thankfully, all of the family got to be in the room when it was removed and Becky's mother was able to baptize him.

And while I am unhappy with the disaray in my home, the length of my hair, the pile of dirty clothes that never ends, the lack of a larger car in my driveway and the title on my nametag, I am blessed beyond measure.

How dare I complain about anything.

when it rains...

so my driver's side window got off track in the door and broke part of the handle and lock mechanism and that's going to cost $265 smack-a-roos thank you very much!

YOWZA!!!

And wouldn't you know I also got my period today!!!

ARGH!!!

And it's not even 2:00 yet!!!

I am in a FUNK

I'm in a serious, ferocious, hard-hitting FUNK.

It started Sunday morning during the prospective (we've since hired him) pastor's sermon. It was like someone grabbed hold of my gut and my tear ducts at the same time and held on until the mack truck hit.

I can't explain it.

I feel I've come to some sort of crossroads or end-of-the-road and I can't decide which it is. If it's a crossroads, I haven't been able to decide on which road to take and thus I'm feeling like it's the end-of-the-road.

End of what road?

Beginning of what road?

See, it all goes back to that control issue and that ebb & flow thing which I'm no good at!!!!!!!

And my hair isn't helping any of this! I've been growing it out over a year but now I'm thinking about cutting it and that decision alone is making me feel crazy so maybe that's proof I should hold off on any major life decisions!

What does that really mean?

In a recent post, Nat talked about "letting go" and I pondered this on my way home last night. What does letting go really mean and does it mean different things to different people b/c of our own individual personality traits?

I have two major flaws: planning and control

This has caused hurt feelings on my part (for no reason whatsoever) by my poor unsuspecting hubby.

For example, last year my b-day fell on a Saturday and I had left it up to him to plan something. To me, planning something meant he would pick out a restaurant, have reservations or whatever, take me there and then have some plan for what we did after.

As it turned out we dropped E off and went home to get ready and he asked me where I wanted to eat.

I lost it.

Spent 45 minutes crying because he didn't know what restaurant we were going to. He meant no harm, he said he didn't know what I'd be in the mood for & wanted to wait to see.

So, maybe for me, letting go means that when I tell him to plan something, I should expect that nothing will be planned. This has been a topic of conversation in our marriage since day one. He is a great guy, wonderful father and I'm lucky to have found a person who fits me like a puzzle. But he doesn't plan - at all.

But that begs the question: should I also "let go" of my expectation that he should understand what him planning something special would mean to me?

Or is "letting go" really just going with the ebb & flow of life and I should let go of the planning obsession altogether?

And that begs the question: where will that ebb & flow take me and will I be satisfied if I didn't plan on getting "there" and control how I got "there"?

all's clear on the western front...

For about the last month, I've been having horrible pain in my left breast. It finally got bad enough that it was interfering with daily activities....like maintaining a sitting position!

I made an appointment to see my gyno and went to visit her last Thursday. She palpitated the heck out of me and did not detect a lump or mass but wanted to be sure so she referred me to have a breast ultrasound and see a surgeon.

I met the surgeon yesterday and he completed a very thorough exam and ultrasound and gave me the all clear on anything fishy. Apparently I have mastitis (which I thought only resulted as part of breastfeeding) and I'll be taking vitamin E (apparently helpful to women prone to mastitis), cutting back on caffeine and popping advil like a mad woman until it runs it's course.

Anyway, I'm still in pain and grumpy, but I'm grateful that scare is over!

My little rock star

This is what I woke up to on the 4th of July.

To tell or not to tell...that is the question

Okay, so in addition to the highlights of the weekend (gymnastics on Saturday & dinner with NB-C & J on Sunday, and the petting zoo on Monday) I had a couple of social situation incidents with which I need your help.

What would you have done?

On Monday evening post petting zoo I went to get a fill in and pedicure. For the first time since I've been going to these nail places a guy did my pedi. I am pretty zoned out during a pedi and keep my eyes closed most of the time. When he came over to get started I of course said hello etc etc, but I immediately noticed his fly was undone. Instantly I thought "do I say something"??? I decided not to and I went back to my happy place. Well, while he was rubbing down my feet and legs with the lotion (clearly the best part of the pedi) he stopped mid leg. I wondered what was up and popped one eye barely open. He's zipping his fly. Thank goodness that's over.

What would you have done?

Last night Beak worked so E & I hauled in with Gran & Papa for a trip to a restaurant on the river in southern Indiana. I happened to have worn a Bellarmine shirt last night (thank goodness). We get done eating and there's another waiter kind of looking out the window leaned up against the wall near our table. It looks like he's got a huge booger on the side of his nose. In a split second I decide that I can't let this poor guy wait tables with this thing on his nose and I kind of motion him over and I stand up to say it in his ear when I realize it's a mole.

UHOH....I'm thinking what the heck do I do now!!!!! So I think fast enough to say "I thought you were somebody else....I work at Bellarmine (pointing to my shirt) and you must look like a student I have...everybody has a twin...ha ha!"

My mother was looking at me like I'd had a few too many and was asking me if I was okay. I waited for him to walk away and told her the real story. She said that I shouldn't have said anything and that it was the job of his co-workers to tell him if he had actually had a booger.
So, in social situations do we tell people they have something hanging from their nose, stuck in their teeth, that their pants are undone or that their dress is tucked in their hose?

I'll think twice before saying anything now, but I'm not sure I can help myself!